So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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