great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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