nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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