no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
