Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
