oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
