Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
tell me about the fingering
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
