Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
