Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
