The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
