I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
