if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
