She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Be still, my beating vagina.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
