see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
