Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He did a backflip because drugs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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