omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
