is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
