I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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