if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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