people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
