This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
