dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
