the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it's like iHOP with fire
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
