ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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