seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
