I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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