Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
