Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
