So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
