i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
