Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
