I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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