Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
