Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
