i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
