We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
