I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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