great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I smell stomach acid.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
