I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't deserve a penis
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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