tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
