woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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