I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
