**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
