just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
