I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm too high and old for this...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
