lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
