captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They took my balls.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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