Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
babies were throwing up all over the place
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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