nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
