I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
