I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's just like the Real World with babies
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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