none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Randomize
