Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
