dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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